Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Everyone says I win the strip club
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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