I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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