my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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