it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had to coat check the pizza.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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