i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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