I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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