it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
