She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
