I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
