hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
