I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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