He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
