is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
