he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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