So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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