I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
