and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i came on her dog
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
