Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
