Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
