ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
