She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In other news, I just burned my penis
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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