mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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