I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
