i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
