my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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