i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
