i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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