He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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