Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
