I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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