Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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