I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
