Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
