I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
