If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
