ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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