Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
