Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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