? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
