I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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