i don't plan on having that self control this summer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
