I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
