Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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