Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
birth control should be required to get into college
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she peed on how many people?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
