wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
