areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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