i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
