The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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