where am i from again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
