why didn't you poke me back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
